I thought why must it be so hard? Is it because I am black or because I am a woman?
And I know that this is no so. Because God does not reward nor punish people, neither with good nor with bad. Neither does God punish our enemies on our behalf.
We attract to us all that we experience.
And some may say well you can say that because you always seem to have something to be grateful for in your #Gratitude Journal. And I would tell them:
I remember the day I spent 8 hours in meditation deciding whether I wanted to be a #successfulfailure“. whether I wanted to call up on all my “bad” experiences, my childhood and make it #mylifestory. I did not! Because I would be living a lie.
When they told me as a child I use to wash a basins of clothes by myself and was abuse, I did not remember that. I remember washing a basin of clothes by myself and listening to the release of #NelsonMandela on my Walkman and tears of joy streaming down my face. That’s what I remember and I would not give that experience up for a million dollars. (well maybe 1M. lol)
When they told me that I use to eat half a chicken wing as my dinner and that was unfair, I did not remember. What I remember was skipping, not walking or running up the road to buy 1 pound of chicken-backs and having just enough to buy a chocolate bonbon biscuit which I enjoyed to the fullest. Then skipping back home singing and picking every leave in the back yard and green bananas and breadfruit and limes from the garden to make the most awesome meals. I would not give up the fact that I have learnt to cook like any master chef for a million dollars ( well maybe for 1M. lol)
When I did not see or speak to my mother for seven years and I could not even call her mommy on her return, I was suppose to be sad, to be damaged to never forgive or forget. But all I remember was me having imaginary concerts in the backyard by myself, singing and dancing with the trees to vintage Soca and conscious reggae. I would not give up the blessing of having an open mind not hampered by parental influence for a million dollars. ( well maybe if was in cash. lol)
When I did not grow up with my father, I was suppose to be damaged. I should have had daddy issues. but I did not. I could not claim that and not be living a lie. Because even though I have seen my father for a handful of days in my life and spoken to him even less I learnt from him one of the greatest lessons of my life. I learnt that I had to take care of myself and not to depend on another to do it. (that in itself is a million dollar lesson)
When my friend Andrea Marcellin and I use feed all the members of our church on Sunday and stay without food because there was not enough, I should have felt hungry and depress and poor. But I did not. I remembered the joy of peeping to see everyone clean off their plate and chatting and laughing until evening service. (Would I give that up for one million? maybe if it was a bank transfer)
I should have developed a complex when they told me that I was neglected. When they said your mother should have taken you to the dentist. but I did not feel that way. even thought I never smile through school, it never stop me finding love I have been blessed to have been in love and to have been loved. So I cannot give up my experiences and claim to have a sad story. Because I do not.
Even thought they say sad story sells. I have been happy. With the little I had I have been happy, Many people get rich in the hope of gaining happiness and realise that money cannot buy happiness. So when you have, be carful how much you accept for your happiness.
We have come to live to gain experiences, to live and to be happy, if you have that you are already half way there. Rise above your sad stories, leave them behind, do yourself a favour and be happy. it is the best gift you can give yourself and the best offering you can bring to your God.